Hunter: I don't wanna relive my time in 'Nam!

Thomas: Too bad.  I paid the Flashback cost.

***

Hunter: If you're going to try a career as a pro wrestler, you should be the Chalupacabra.  You could get sponsorship from Taco Bell.  You'd be a Heel, and you'd get out of submission holds by squirting Fire sauce in people's eyes.

Ryan: That idea is as awesome as it is hilarious.

Thomas: Wouldn't work.  Wrestling's supposed to be fake; you don't fake 'Fire sauce to the eyes' pain.

***

Jerry: His superpower is dubstep.

***

Hunter: Tentacles are for hugs.

***

Jason: I'm going to vomit.  Somebody give me... room to vomit."

***

Hunter: Are you sniffing crack behind your DM's screen?

Jake: Well I'm not going to sniff it out in front of everyone!  That's rude!

***

Ryan: I'm all out of shirts, so here's heavy stage equipment!

***

Ryan: You know how people put their hands in their armpits to make fart noises?

Jake: NORMAL people don't do that.

***

Bryan: I didn't know disappointment was a letter!

Jake: Only in the Jewish alphabet.

***

Ryan: The Avenging Eagle says "You too can Slap a Jap!"

Jerry: This was during the writer's strike, wasn't it?

***

Hunter: Giant water vaginas with teeth demand my veto this week.  Next conversation!

***

Ryan: Next thing I know I'm yelling at my TV like an old person, expecting something to happen.

Posted by Hunter at 4:59 PM EST

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Hunter (as Hellfire): "Help you move into a new apartment?  Look at this body.  This is not a body meant for lifting!"

Jerry (as Miracle): "Yeah, I know."

***

Hunter: If vigilantism is illegal, then The Law was breaking the law.

***

(After Miracle's girlfriend breaks up with her)

Hunter: "I'll take the ring if you take the knifeout of my back!"

***

Bryan (as Rebar): "Why wasn't I told of this?"

John (as Endbringer): "Because we were busy being kidnapped?"

***

Bryan (as Rebar, to a museum burglar): "Hey fella!  The gift shop's THAT way!"

Posted by Hunter at 4:48 PM EST

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Tom: In the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, there are no Band-Aids.

***

Nick: It's okay; he missed you.

John: That doesn't bother me; it's the not-missing me NEXT turn that bothers me.

***

Nick: With the impact of your hammer, his head explodes like an overripe fruit.

Jerry: Today, I take over Gallagher's job.

***

Nick (consulting a critical hit chart): His arm is severed but he manages to not die of shock.  He IS stunned for... Well, to be honest, the rest of his short life.

***

Diane: Put down the alligator and come with us!

***

Hunter: You're the priest; YOU take the head.

Tom: That's what the altar boy said.

Posted by Hunter at 3:15 PM EST

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Tom: Since all the combat guys have queued up at the door like a conga line...

Diane: Kill-kill, kill-kill, kill, KILL!

***

Tom (brandishing a laser rifle at a crowd): Pedestrians! Clear the street or I will be forced to aggressively perforate you with this blessed machine!

John: At least he warned them.

***

John: Armor penetrating ammo is too expensive for us right now.

Tom: So is a Wiffle Bat!

***

Hunter (after a critical hit explodes a mook's head): Those slave kids are probably thinking "Fried brain chunks?!  We get to EAT today!"

***

Nick: A hulking brute approaches with an axe; some kind of male mutant.

Diane: How do we know it's male?

John: It's not wearing pants.

Posted by Hunter at 3:10 PM EST

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Ryan: Avenging Eagle doesn't care if he goes dumb from your Wisdom drain!  Hit the bad guy!

John: Too bad Endbringer can't read his mind!

***

Jake: They make Daredevil look handicapped.

Hunter: Technically, he IS.

***

Jake: You failed the Will save?  You wander away from the store.

Ryan: That's a horrible way to do business.

***

Ryan (as Avenging Eagle's alter-ego, George Bailey): "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, and I have this sandwich..."

***

Jake (after Bryan makes his fifth roll in a row under 10): Despite your best efforts, Bryan, you succeed.

***

John (as Endbringer): "Generally, shooting guns at them isn't the best way to kidnap someone."

Posted by Hunter at 3:03 PM EST

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Jerry, talking about Rebar's grandmother: We call her Reba-bar.

***

Wayne, as Stoenwall: "We did our best to contain it."

Jake (as a policeman): " 'We'?  Who was helping you?"

Wayne:::holds up fists:: "Lefty and Righty."

***

Jake: Yeah, she kills security guards.  It's a thing she does.

***

Hunter, as Reaper: "Dragons don't exist."

Jason, as Aurix: "Says the Grim Reaper."

***

Jake (bad guy breaking into a jewelry store): "What are YOU doing here?"

Jerry, as Miracle: "Just doing some late-night shopping."

***

Jake (warden of the prison where villains are held): "There is no evidence for me to believe you when you say someone is planning to break these people out!"

Ryan, as Avenging Eagle: "I am a giant golden eagle-man!  Why is it so hard to believe what I'm telling you?!"

***

Jake: I'm glad you know how to read.

Hunter: And so are the rest of us.

***

Jake (mercenary called the Veteran): "You're more than welcome to try and figure out who I am."

Thomas, as Newton: "Honestly, I stopped caring a long time ago." 

Posted by Hunter at 10:57 AM EST

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Jake: Newton gets hit by a wall of rats.

Thomas: Eww.

Jake: ...from behind.

Jerry: A RUDE wall of rats!

***

Jake: You are going to drown in rats.

***

Jake: -sigh- Even with superstrength, you are inexplicably bested by a bunch of rats.

***

Jake: It's like they gave birth to you through poop water...

Hunter: That's disgusting.

Jerry: That's Rebar.

***

Bryan, as Rebar: "Nothin' like a good ol' fashioned rat-squishin' contest, eh Newton?"

Posted by Hunter at 10:49 AM EST

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Hunter: One of us should probably go after Miracle.

Thomas: My character is still shadowing her while invisible.

Hunter: Yes, but it's MY turn right now.

***

Jake: Okay, that will hit... wait...

Jerry: No take-backsies!

***

Jake (talking about a guy embedded in a car): He looks like he needs a hospital, or possibly a mechanic.

Ryan: Well, our mechanic's dead.

***

Jake: You're right!  He CAN use Aurix's unconscious body as a club on you.  You really shouldn't be mentioning things like that to me.

***

Ryan (after Miracle runs off to look for assistance): God help that guy if Miracle finds a backhoe...

***

Jerry (to Ryan, Skyping the session via iPhone): Behave or I'll tell Bryan to put you down his pants!

***

Ryan: He failed his racism roll.

Posted by Hunter at 10:44 AM EST

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Submissions are awesome; they mean less work for me.

***

Jason (GM): Phil's bound spirits are starting to take the forms of Eva Units 01 and 02.

Phil: Excellent.  Everything is going according to plan.

***

Phil (GM): The security guard pulls out a rocket launcher, levels it at the massive troll, and fires.  To your surprise, Thomas, just before impact the rocket explodes and is revealed to be a super-high-density foam wall.  It slams into you, doing *rolls dice* 20 boxes of stun damage.  Roll your Body dice to resist.

Thomas: I take no damage.

Phil: I designed that specifically to be able to knock you out!

Thomas: And it would haveif I hadn't boosted my Body attribute last game.

***

Alex: We need to do some math before we do this.  Quick, what's the round time?

Phil (GM): 3-4 seconds in this game.

Alex: I need a calculator.  Okay, I'm going to launch Thomas' troll adept at the dragon with a levitation spell, sending him out at mach 3.

Thomas: TROLL CANNON READY! FIRE!

Posted by Hunter at 10:43 AM EST

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MOAR SUBMISSIONS

***

PHil (GM): These stormtroopers are going to fire at Thomas.

Thomas: And they will critically hit me, just like every other round of combat.

Phil: Three crits.

Thomas: Well, that's one less than last round.

***

Alex (GM, as enemy Imperial Officer): "These blast doors will hold them back!"

*Jedi PCs tear through the blast door like it was paper*

Alex: "Quick!  To the next blast door!"

***

Alex (GM): Etan, make a Fortitude save.

Ethan: 4.

Aex: All right, make a Will save.

Ethan: 9.

Alex: You feel a rage building inside you as the sickness begins to spread from your leg.  You have a few options: They can use medication to try and slow or stop the infection or they can amputate-

Ethan: I cut off my leg with my lightsaber.

Phil: "Um, we'll see if we can cure it and reattach it later?"

Ethan: "Meh."

***

Alex (GM): The missile critcally hits your ship dealing 140 points of damage.

Phil: The ship's max HP is 120.  But I can try to negate the damage with a Piloting check.  Fail.  Good thing the droid can make aPiloting check as well!  Also fail.  I need the book!  Only an obscure rule can save us from the vacuum of space!

***

Phil: "Grenade."

Alex (GM): Did your character throw a grenade or just say 'Grenade'?

Phil: Yes.

***

Alex (GM): Ok, the stormtroopers open fire, dealing damage to everyone except Phil because he has Evasion.

Phil: EVASION!

Alex: Yes, Phil, we know.

***

Guy: "I don't kill people."

Phil: "You just killed 15 stormtroopers a minute ago!"

Guy: "Stormtrooprs aren't people."

Posted by Hunter at 10:34 AM EST

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